Etiquette

There are a few events where honoraries will need to know basic drill including laying a wreath, taking the salute at a march past and marching with the regiment on parade. The RSM is a great source of training and advice for practice drill.

Mess dinners are truly enjoyable — but fair warning: we never discuss politics.

If you’re not fond of whichever party currently holds the most seats in Parliament, simply find another topic to discuss with the person next to you. Conversation at a mess dinner should be light and pleasant. Off-colour jokes are strictly off-limits, but fish stories are always welcome (and the bigger, the better).

Mess dinners are always preceded by a cocktail hour. Be mindful of being photographed holding anything other than a water bottle. A casual photo of you with a glass of wine could unintentionally create the wrong impression on social media. Unless you’re actively cultivating a reputation as somewhat of drinker, it’s best to be cautious.

As a guest at the head table, you’ll be marched to your seat accompanied by bagpipes. Resist the temptation to grin, wave, or bounce along with the music. When the National Anthem is played, stand with your feet together, hands by your sides, eyes forward — not feet apart and arms crossed. Think of it as a little game: the goal is to prevent the audience from guessing that you’re the Honorary until the head table is formally introduced. All eyes will be on you, and they will notice even the smallest cues.

In the past, mess dinners had a fearsome reputation — particularly among those with excitable bladders. Meals dragged on for hours, and no one could leave the table without first requesting permission. Fortunately, times have changed. Bathroom breaks are now built into the evening’s flow, and someone will always be available to explain the nuances of mess dinner rituals specific to your formation.

Before you know it — in less time than it takes to sip a glass of port — you’ll find yourself standing on your chair to toast the health of the King (RCAF tradition) or plunging a fork into warm haggis while contemplating the sublime poetry of Robbie Burns (Scottish regiment tradition).

The CAF actively embraces diversity and inclusion, striving for 25% representation of women across the Regular and Reserve Forces (including combat roles) and 50% representation of women in Honorary appointments.

Any woman or member of a visible minority who has enlisted in the CAF knew exactly what they were signing up for on the day they joined. Completing Basic Military Qualification (BMQ) means they are mentally and physically tough as nails. Advancing through the ranks reflects not tokenism, but hard work, skill, and determination.

The best way to honour their accomplishments is simple: treat them exactly the same as any other soldier, sailor, or aviator of their rank.

Honoraries should also be keenly aware that there is zero tolerance in the CAF for racism, religious discrimination, gender discrimination, or sexual harassment. Even mild sexual innuendo is viewed with utmost seriousness and is strictly unacceptable.

For more details on the ethos of the CAF, check out: https://www.canada.ca/en/department-national-defence/corporate/reports-publications/canadian-armed-forces-ethos-trusted-to-serve.html

Privates (Pvts) and Corporals (Cpls) tend to be naturally shy. Sergeants (Sgts) are usually extroverts who love to chat and share stories. Captains (Cpts) and Majors (Majs) are typically mature, worldly, and excellent conversationalists.

Above all, spend as much time as you can with the Regimental Sergeant Major (RSM) — they are a cornerstone of leadership and mentorship within the unit.

When engaging with members of your unit:

• Never compliment a soldier on their appearance; instead, highlight their importance to the team.
• Avoid opening lines that sound like movie clichés (e.g., “So, what do you do on the civvie side?”).
• Refrain from using military jargon unless you are confident in your understanding — otherwise, your conversation partner might assume you’re fluent and launch into a dense paragraph of acronyms.
   

Instead, ask about parents, partners, spouses, and children. Family stress is often an early warning sign that a reservist may need support. While it is not your role to intervene directly in mental health matters, it is helpful to stay quietly attentive. Be concerned but discreet.

Share your own stories — experiences of resilience, difficult challenges you faced, and how you overcame adversity. Every soldier knows that one day they will be tested, and they value learning from the real-life experiences of others.

They’ll also be curious about you — about why the Minister of National Defence signed off on your appointment as an HCol or HCapt. Be ready to share a bit about your civilian career and the journey that brought you to this role.

Generals will know you’re the Honorary even before you are formally introduced.

If you’re part of the Canadian Army (CA) and wearing DEUs, they’ll notice you have two pips and a crown, but no colonel’s gorget. If you’re in CADPAT, they’ll spot the subtle giveaways — a slightly crooked beret or a rogue shoelace. If you’re in mess kit, they’ll pick up immediately on your deportment.

Relax — you’re the Honorary, and the generals are genuinely interested in speaking with you.

Generals spend most of their careers surrounded by members of the Regular Force. They are naturally curious about how the outside world thinks and operates. Don’t hesitate to share your keenest observations and boldest ideas with generals.

Speak to them as you would to the CEO of a major corporation — respectfully, confidently, and thoughtfully. Just remember to avoid industry-specific jargon they might not know, and steer clear of conspiracy theories or sensationalism. Keep the conversation grounded and meaningful.

Although not an official duty of the Honorary, you should make every effort to attend the funeral of any member (or former member) of your unit. Even if you did not personally know the individual, your presence and solidarity will be noticed and deeply appreciated.

For members of the unit who are experiencing distress, the CAF has an excellent system of support and counselling services in place. You are not expected to play a formal role in this process. However, if you feel — on an individual basis — that you might be able to offer additional support, speak with the CO before taking any action.